And...They're Off!

I had no intention of posting today. We are at home. Exhausted. I need to mow the lawn and pack for our vacation, but all I have enough energy to do is play on my laptop.

And I did want to capture a couple of memories.

Yesterday was wedding day for my eldest son, FOML2. He and his beautiful bride were married in an LDS temple, which makes it even better.  Their marriage was performed by a man who held the authority to "seal" them together so that they have the potential to remain married even after this life and into the next. The words "'til death do you part," are not part of the equation or ceremony.

I have been to a lot of sealings. Mine still ranks as the very best, but many have been wonderful, sacred events.  Yesterday was something new for me.  And I was in awe.

The best way I can describe it is by saying that I am plenty "book smart" - I know the doctrines regarding eternal marriage and believe them. I've witnessed many, and have a pretty good understanding of temples, marriage and how great it can be when it all works together like it should.

However, I was unprepared for how much more powerful and emotional it was having MY son and HIS true love being joined together to create an entirely new family unti. It was so far beyond what I was expecting, and I had very high expectations.

The best I can do is use silly words like "cool" and "awesome". (Surprisingly, neither of which are used in D&C 132)  I mentioned this to a friend who helped me out by saying "Maybe the description you are looking for is 'Joy and rejoicing in your posterity."

He nailed it: Joy and rejoicing in my posterity*.

I am joyful, rejoicing and grateful

-----

The rest of the stuff was nice too:  The rehearsal dinner the night before and the reception last night were both beautiful, replete with people we love, and good food and fancy decor.

Oh yeah - one other memorable event that I refuse to let overshadow the good stuff: My son's new mother-in-law disappeared from reception line, went into the bathroom and passed out - resulting in paramedics, IVs, ambulance and a long night in the hospital:  Severe dehydration and exhaustion.  Really. She''s very sad, doing better and should come home today...

So, if there is a temple wedding in your child's future, be prepared for something wonderful.  And hydrate.

* I checked - this is a term used in General Conference talks and BYU speeches - so don't freak out.

Pain at the Pump

This is not a part of the "anger" discussion - although it almost went there.

I am merely going to tell you what happened to me as I was filling up my truck last Friday.

It was a hectic morning at work, so I searched for, and found, an excuse to leave for a few minutes.  On my way back to work, I pulled into a gas station/convenience store to get some gas.  I went inside to pre-pay for my gas, because that's where they keep the beverages. I gave the cashier some real-cash-money and asked for $40 on pump #5.

"Do you want a receipt?"
"No thanks," I said, as he wadded it up and tossed it at the wastebasket.

As I was walking to my truck, my cellphone rang. I answered it, and it was important. So, as I am engaged in this serious conversation, I got in my truck and drove off.  As soon as I was back on the main road, I realized what I had done, and extricated myself from the phone call.

I never pumped the $40 on pump #5.

So, I zipped back into the gas station, only to find that a lady had already pulled into my spot and had the nozzle in her car, and was pumping gas.  MY gas.

I explained to her what happened, and she merely said, "Hmm. I was wondering why it didn't make me pre-pay. Let me finish, and we'll go inside and get it straightened out - I'm sure it won't be a problem."

So that's what we did. Luckily it didn't take too long, because she only pumped $20. We went inside, and walked up to the counter. The young man who had helped me before was gone, having been replaced by a young lady with a listless manner, and some very creative piercings.

"Where is the guy that was just working a minute ago?"
"A guy?" (I must admit, I was fearing for a Twilight Zone experience right about now.)
Yeah - he was just here a few minutes ago."
"He's on break."
"Can I talk to him?"
"No, he's clocked out."
"Maybe you can help us."
"I can try..."

So, the Gas Thief and I did our best to explain what had happened at the pump. The Bedazzled cashier looked rather confused, then you could see the lightbulb flicker for an instant.

"Do you have your receipt?"
*curses*
"No, he threw it away." I pointed to the overflowing bin.
"Bummer."  Followed by silence.

A line was forming behind us as the Gas Thief had an idea.
"Let me pay $40 for him, and you can refund me the rest of what I didn't pump."
"But there's no receipt." Followed again by silence.
So I chimed in, "How much does it show still available on the pump?"
"$20."
"So just cancel that, and refund the $20."
"I can't refund without a receipt."
"Where's the guy that helped me? Maybe he can find the receipt."
"He's on break."

Yeah, circular.

The Gas Thief had another idea. "How about I move my car, and you pull in and pump the $20 that's left, and then I'll buy you $20 more?"

Genius. We went out and moved our cars, and I pumped my $20. I waited a couple of minutes, but the pump wouldn't clear for me.  Then I saw the Gas Thief waving at me to come back in.

"My card was declined. I'm so embarrassed."
"Do you have any cash?"
"No." Followed by a really uncomfortable silence.

Just then I saw some movement in the room behind the counter. It was the original cashier.
"Hey!" I half-shouted. "Can I talk to you?"
"He's on break." The Bedazzled-face girl said.
I talked past her. "I know you're on break, but can I talk to you for just a second."

He ambled out with with a half-eaten burrito in hand.

"What's up?"
"Do you remember me buying $40 of gas on pump #5 a few minutes ago?"
"Yeah. You used cash."
"Exactly!"  I then went on to tell the story as concisely as I could.
The Bedazzled Girl? Nary a flicker.  The Burrito Guy? He got it.

"Move for a sec." He said to the cashier. With his free hand, he struck a couple of keys on the register. The drawer opened, he reached inside, grabbed a twenty, slapped it on the counter.

"Sorry about that. man." He then retreated back into the break room.

I picked up the twenty. Put it back down on the counter, and told Bedazzled Girl. "$20 on pump #5, please."

The Gas Thief walked out with me, I told her goodbye, and she waved and said, "I told you it wouldn't be a problem."
-----

Epilogue:  I was driving past the gas station yesterday, thinking about this experience, at it dawned on me - 5 days later - that the Gas Thief never did pay for her gas! I paid $40, Burrito Guy paid $20, and she walked away scott-free.  She was, indeed, "The Gas Thief."

Clearing Things Up

It is nary impossible to have a discussion about anger without someone bringing up the story of Christ clearing the temple. Sure enough, within 5 minutes of my first anger post, I received this comment:

Okay. Then please explain Christ's anger in the Temple, since he never sinned. Having anger and expressing it are different in my eyes, and so I'm curious how feeling anger is a sin, but feeling sad is not? Or is it? P.S. please note that my greatest weakness is also verbal anger, so I'll be following your ideas very closely.


It was followed by several others, saying basically the same thing. It deserves to be addressed. I will wade in, armed only with the New Testament and my opinion.  (Remember - this is my opinion. Key word: OPINION.)


So, here is my request:  Please show me in the scriptures where it said Christ was angry when He cleared the temple - either time? (It was twice, you know.) In fact, please show me in the New Testament ANY reference as to the Savior's emotional state when He cleared the temple.  I challenge you. Better yet - I dare you!


Wait! I'll even make it easier for you. Here are the accounts from all four of the Gospels:



Matthew 21:12-13
And Jesus went into the temple of God, and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves,
And said unto them, It is written, My house shall be called the house of prayer but ye have made it a den of thieves.


Mark 2:15-17
And they come to Jerusalem: and Jesus went into the temple, and began to cast out them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves;
And would not suffer that any man should carry any vessel through the temple.
And he taught, saying unto them, Is it not written, My house shall be called of all nations the house of prayer? but ye have made it a den of thieves.


Luke 19:45-46
And he went into the temple, and began to cast out them that sold therein, and them that bought;
Saying unto them, It is written, My house is the house of prayer: but ye have made it a den of thieves.


John 2:13-16
And the Jews’ passover was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem,
And found in the temple those that sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the changers of money sitting:
And when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers’ money, and overthrew the tables;
And said unto them that sold doves, Take these things hence; make not my Father’s house an house of merchandise.



Yes, Christ turned over the tables and scattered money. Yes, He made a whip and drove out the animals and the people. Yes, it says that He yelled in an angry rage and was really, really loud and scary.  Not really - I made that last part up.


But where is the anger? 


What got me thinking about this is from watching too much TV. Now I am not a cop, and I have not served in the military, but I think there is an example here that might be, well, exemplary.  We've all seen shows where the police or soldiers kick down a door and burst into a terrorist den, or a meth house. They arrest all the people, destroy or shut down the equipment, and get the job done with ruthless efficiency.


Or, here's another option:  Say you are out of town with your spouse, and your wayward teenage son decides to have a blow-out party at your house. It goes late into the night, and some of the kids brought alcohol and illegal drugs.  Finally one of the neighbors calls the police.  When the cops get there, they go through the house, room by room, and clear out the teenagers.


Do you think those cops are angry when they do this? Or just serious and efficient? My guess is that an angry cop is a dangerous cop, and they are trained to function beyond those types of emotions.  Sure, the adrenaline might be pumping, and the enthusiasm high, but I don't think anger would factor in - unless people fought back. When you have proper authority, and can back it up with power, you can go about your business, with much less resistance.


That is my parallel.  Christ had ultimate authority, backed by unlimited power. Yes Christ had a whip - but there were stock animals that needed cleared out of the temple. Yes, He said "Ye have made it a den of thieves," but it says he taught it, not screamed it. I see the Savior as someone who was always in complete control of Himself. Both thoughts, actions and emotions.


If find it interesting that after the cleansing, Christ sat down in the temple and taught and healed people. Obviously a Spirit-conducive environment. It would also seem that if this had been an aggressive, angry, violent rampage, the Romans never would have tolerated someone disturbing the peace in such a manner.


When we use the example of Christ in the temple as a way to justify our own anger, we tend to use the term "Righteous Indignation."  In his talk The Mericful Obtain Mercy last April, President Uchtdorf said "But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our own judgment as reliable and only appropriate."


If I'm mad - it is righteous indignation. If you're mad, it is sinful anger. Right?


It would seem that the determining factor between the two would be the presence of the Holy Ghost. We know the Holy Ghost departs when contention arrives - so unless the Holy Ghost is actively involved in our righteous indignation, it is probably just plain old anger. My guess is that righteous indignation isn't legit nearly as often as we would hope.


There you go.  My thoughts on anger and Christ clearing the temple.  I remind you that this is my opinion - based my reading of the New Testament. And I am aware that I am swimming upstream against thousands of years of tradition when I say that I don't think Christ was angry when He cleared the temple.


Let's not bring it up again as an excuse.

PS: To my wonderful commenter and friend:  I think feeling anger is a sin, but feeling sad is not, because anger is one of tools the adversary uses to destroy us, and those around us. Anger drives away the Spirit. But I think that sorrow is part of the palette the Spirit can use while working with us.

Temper, Temper

There is something you should know about me:  I'm not perfect.  I know, I know - it must be very disillusioning for you, as it is for me.  I do have some shortcomings and weaknesses that I wrestle with. You know, the kind of thing you keep to yourself. 

I have a temper.  Yes, I get angry. I am not always a model of decorum and patience. Now, don't leap to the notion that I am some kind of crazy-angry person. My anger is somewhat contained.  I have never thrown anything at anyone in anger. I have never punched a wall, or a door, or a person in anger. (I admit, I have slapped a couple bottoms in anger.)

I guess I have never been so angry that the anger overpowers my innate laziness.  The idea of patching drywall, or picking up pieces of broken plates that resulted from my tantrum just doesn't seem worth the effort, and is totally beyond my comprehension.

The words that would more effectively describe my manifestations of anger are words like "contempt", "disgust", "irritated", "ridicule" or "scorn."  Yeah, those aren't happy words.  Rather than express my anger physically, I tend to do it verbally - which can be just as painful for the person on the receiving end.

Again, please don't assume that I walk around ranting and raving all the time - because I don't - and I am much better than I was when I was younger. But I will acknowledge that I do get angry every now and again - which is more often than I should.  And how do I know that?  Because there exists a complex mathematical formula that defines exactly how often it is acceptable to be angry.  Here is the formula:

Anger Acceptability Formula

0 = Acceptable

>0 = Unacceptable

That's it.

It is unacceptable to get angry. Ever. Period. (This formula does not only apply to the word "anger". It also apples to mad, rage, fury, contempt, fury hate, etc.)

I know, everyone is different.  And if you are one of those different people, then your formula can be adjusted to read like this:

Anger Acceptability Formula

0 = Acceptable

0+1 = Unacceptable

Sadly, I find myself on the >0 side of the formula, and it troubles me greatly. Apparently I am not alone.  Just last April, in General Conference, the topic of avoiding anger was brought up by several big-league speakers:

President Thomas Monson

President Deiter Uchtdorf

President Boyd K. Packer

Elder Richard G. Scott

Etc.  Yes, all of these are from the last April Conference.  Obviously, I share this problem with a few others out there.

Back in 2007, President Hinckley gave an entire talk in General Priesthood Conference about anger. (Here) One thing that all these talks have in common is that anger can do great damage, and should be avoided.

In the Joseph Smith translation of Ephesians 4:26, Paul asks the question, "Can ye be angry, and not sin?"

Nope.

Anger is a sin. It isn't a "personality trait," or a "coping mechanism."  It's a sin. God has asked us not to succumb to it, and the Holy Ghost leaves us when we do.  That, my friends, is a sin.  It is something we have to overcome. We have to beat it.

Perhaps if we looked at anger more like a "sin", and less like a common response, we might catch ourselves more often. Maybe we need to change some of our wording, and remove angry and mad from our vocabularies, and replace them with something more accurate.  For example:

"You get in here and pick up your towel. I am so sinful at you!"

"I am so unrighteous at your Mother right now."

"Those stupid politicians make me so sinful!"

"My son's schoolteacher makes me feel so unrighteous!"

"You had better get your chores done, or you are gonna have one sinful Father to deal with."

"I've got to vent to somebody. I have so much sin inside I'm going to explode."

You get the idea. I know I do.

Note:

This topic is important to me, for reasons previously stated, and so I am going to spend several posts digging in, and learning more about it and how to fix it. You are invited to join me.  However, if I say something you don't like, you have to promise not to get unrighteous at me.

Since there will be multiple posts that head off in different directions, I plan on moderating the comments, so that we stay on subject. So, if your amazingly profound comment doesn't show up, don't get sinful about it - maybe you are just too far ahead of the rest of us.

Me Versing the World

My youngest was quick to greet me when I came home from work. Usually the dog greets me first, but today my Cub Scout was ready to tell me about his day. It turns out that for Cubs they played Ultimate Frisbee. The men in our family have been known to throw a mean frisbee, so he needed to let me know how it went.

Dad!  We played Ultimate today at Cub Scouts!
Fun, how did it go?
Really good. There were five kids and two leaders, so we versed the leaders and won.
(I tried to minimize a visible flinch when he used the word "versed".)
That sounds like fun!
It was, and after we versed the leaders, One of the grownups and I versed all the rest of the kids. We won that too.
Great. I'm glad you had a good time. (My ears were now ringing, and my head was already starting to hurt.)

How could such offensive things come out of the mouth of such a sweet boy? Now I don't consider myself a master of the English language, but I do love language. I enjoy playing with it, and appreciate those who possess the skills to use it well.  Because of that, and the fact that I don't want my children growing up to sound like idiots, I knew I that something needed to be done. It was up to me.

A few minutes later, I attempted to broach the subject. I wasn't too worried, because this FOML is smart, and a good reader and writer.  This should be easy.

Hey buddy - You know when you said you "versed" some boys today?
Yeah.
Did you know that "verse" isn't a verb?
It's not?
Nope. 
So what am I supposed to say when I'm versing somebody?
Well, you aren't "versing" anybody, you are playing against them.
But in basketball it's the Heat verse the Thunder.
Nope - it's the Heat "versus" the Thunder.
That's what I'm saying!
No, you are saying verse. I'm saying versus.
So it's supposed to be plural?

And that was precise moment I lost my resolve.

In the ongoing battle of MMM vs. the Destruction of the English Language, I'm getting schooled.

President George Albert Smith & Spiderman & a French Guy

A True Hero and a Cartoon Hero

We are studying the teachings of the prophet George Albert Smith this year. The more I get to know about him, the more impressed I am.  (At the end of the post, please take a minute and watch a video of his testimony from 1945)

Sunday in High Priest group meeting, someone read the following quote from President Smith:

"We have received a wonderful gift - but with that gift comes a great responsibility."  (April Conference, 1922)

As I reread the quote, it sounded vaguely familiar.  I kept stewing, trying to figure out where I had heard it before, and it occurred to me: Spiderman. So, I went in search of it, to see if Stan Lee, the creator of Spiderman, stole this quote from President Smith.

Here is what I found:

OK, so the quote wasn't exactly the same. President Smith talked about a gift, Spiderman was talking about power, but then referred to it as a gift - or a curse.  So my search quickly begins to enter choppy waters.

But wait!  Peter Parker didn't say it first - he was quoting someone else - his Uncle Ben. How did Uncle Ben say it?




"With great power comes great responsibility."

The idea has been around for some time within the faith. The Lord taught Joseph Smith in 1832 "Where much is given, much is required."(D&C 82:3) Thousands of years earlier, in HIs beautiful consistency, Christ taught "For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall much be required..." (Luke 12:48)

The idea of increased responsibility coinciding with increased gifts is obviously a Godly teaching. Simple, strong, true.

So where did the Spiderman version of the quote come from?  Spiderman came out in 1962 - which is a year later than I came out.  (Ba-da-boom!)  It figured that Uncle Ben wasn't the first to say it.  After spending and exhausting ten minutes researching the origin of the phrase, I discovered that it has been around for a long time.

Back in 1732 there was a French writer named Voltaire. He was a historian/writer/philosopher during the "Enlightenment" era that had a great influence on the thinking leading up to the American and French Revolutions.  (We saw his tomb in the Panthéon in Paris. Cool place.) Voltaire said:

"Un gran pouvoir impose un lorde responsibilité."  So, there's your answer.  What?  You don't speak French? Translated it means: "A great power imposes great responsibility." Close enough for me.

No matter who said it first, or what version was said, it could not have been Spiderman, or even Uncle Ben. I'm going to give this one to Voltaire, with a conceptual credit to God.

But, I am going to study more about both President George Albert Smith and Voltaire, because it's good for my soul, and I know far too little about them.
------

Here is the video I mentioned, in case you were wondering what President Smith was like. (The answer is Awesome.)

.

"King of the Castle"

2011 Crown

Every year, the FOMLs present me with a Father's Day crown. It is made of construction paper, with each of the kids writing a message to me on their section of the crown. I wear it because it is awesome. Then I leave it on my lampshade until the next year.

Yes, as evident by the crown, I am indeed the "King of the Castle."   *trumpet fanfare*

This - this is my Kingdom, my land, my castle. I rule with an iron fist. My word is law. All those in my presence show proper deference with honor and respect.

Well at least for today. If my EC signs off on it.

-------

Today we spent Sunday School talking about King Mosiah and the political systems in Zarahemlah. Mosiah was so worried about the prospects of another king succeeding him. that he talked the people into abandoning the monarchy entirely, and moving to a systems with elected judges.

King Mosiah was a good king, as was King Benjamin before him - both because they fused elements of Theocracy into their Monarchy. They both followed the teachings and laws of God. (Nowadays we can't even get out government to follow the laws of the land!) Bu it was the theocracy that made their  monarchies effective.  After studying about this mixture of political systems, I decided something important:

I don't want to be "King of the Castle."

I want to be "Theocrat of the Castle."

No, it is not as catchy, and you have never heard that expression before, but it fits much better. A "Theocrat" is defined as someone who practices Theocracy.

Theocracy: A form of government in which God is recognized as the supreme civil ruler, with God's laws being interpreted by the ecclesiastical authorities.

That's my house, right? My castle?  In my home I am the priesthood leader. With my EC, we are expected to lead this small society based on the laws of God.

Granted, the rest of society is not part of this theocracy - and outside my home I need to play by their rules - but my home can be a tiny theocracy in which we recognize God as our leader. As "Theocrat of the Castle", I have the obligation to lead my family according to God's law, as revealed to my leaders, and as revealed to my EC and I. That is a lot different than how a King runs things. But we will save a fortune on torture equipment.

For example:  If you are a King, and someone errs against you, you get to slap them in chains, and throw them in the dungeon to rot.  A Theocrat gets to "reprove betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, and then showing afterward an increase in love..." (D&C 121:43)  It is a little different style. This example alone shows the impossibility of being a worthy monarch without adopting elements of theocracy.  Even in disciplining our children, one of the members of the Godhead needs to sign of on what we are doing.

Sadly, I find myself behaving like a monarch occasionally. I make unilateral decision, I dole out excessive punishments, I make up laws on the fly. (No eight wives though - still on my first.) When I rule like a King I expect and demand things.  I expect people to read my mind. I demand they do things. I expect things to be done for me according to my whim.  Have you ever heard about a man getting upset because the dinner wasn't on the table at a certain time?  That is a King.

Compulsion: King

Pride: King

Vanity: KIng

Dominion: King

Theocrats are kind, patient, long suffering, full of charity, etc... (D&C 121)  (Sometimes we refer to theocrats as Priesthood holders.)

It surely must be important to rule like a theocrat, rather than a king, because about half the talks in General Conference in April talked about how to do exactly that. (Sadly, I hadn't invented the term "Theocrat of the Castle" yet, so nobody was able to use it.

Today I will celebrate Father's Day, as the "Theocrat of the Castle", and try to earn that title from here on out.

But I'm still wearing the crown that my servants  kids made.

Happy Father's Day to you all.

Seasick With Cause

Note:  No, this is not my Father's Day post.  I just wanted to type this while it was still fresh.  Eww.

Saturday evening, and we were running some errands. My 10-year-old was feeling a little queasy.  We were trying to get home as quickly as we could.  I'm so thankful that I was able to provide him with an empty 32oz cup - just in case. (I try to be prepared, and seem to have one in the car most of the time.)

He was miserable, and asked the eternal question "Why me?  I don't want to throw up. Why do I have to be sick?"

I responded in all sincerity by saying, "Maybe it's because you watched so much 'Suite Life of Zack and Cody' today."

My EC slapped my arm, and my son replied, "I don't get it."

"Have you seen their haircuts?" (Indeed, I had pushed too far.)

The puking then began in earnest.  Guess who is on cleanup duty?

Happy Father's Day!

My Father's Day Wishlist

Father's Day is this Sunday. Whoo-hoo!

As you know by now, I have 4 male FOMLs and one lovely daughter.  The daughter is living in a strange and wonderful land called Provo. One son is there at the MTC.  But I still have 3 boys still at home.

Before I crack open my wallet to give them money to buy things for me for Father's Day, I figured they should know that there are many things theycould give me that I would really, really like that don't cost anything! Why spend the time and money shopping when there so many things I would rather have that are free, and enduring?

What things?  OK. To make it easier, I'll write them down:

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Things I Would Like From You, the FOMLs,

for Father's Day and Beyond


The following is a list of traits and concepts that I would like to have in my life in more abundance - things that you can give me:


Kindness • Peace • Beauty • Knock • Harmony • True • Rescue • Knowledge • Cleanliness • Ponder • Honor • Respect • Preparation • Purity • Seek • Genealogy • Hidden Mysteries • Wisdom • Strength • CTR

I have listed each of them to help you understand what these words mean to me:

• Kindness:  When you bring the car home on Saturday night, and it is out of gas - go get some gas. I usually find out as we are actually driving to church.

• Peace: When I am in the bathroom, do not talk to me through the door. Do not ask questions. Do not shout "Dad! Telephone!"

• Beauty:  I'm fine with you putting stuff in your hair. Just stop referring to that stuff as "product". It is disconcerting.

• Knock: And it probably won't be opened to you. Especially if it's late.

• Harmony: Stop playing Mumford and Sons in any vehicle or building that I own.

• True: Aim better. Yes, that.

• Rescue: Do not buy me new church socks. Just return the 23 pair you have taken over the years.

• Knowledge: Stop using the word "p'owned", because it's not a word.

• Cleanliness: A brief, unobstructed view of your bedroom and closet floors is all I ask.

• Ponder:  Think about what I might do to you if you have overages on your cellphone again.

• Honor: Stop telling me that Kobe is better than MJ. It was funny at first, now it's getting irritating.

• Respect: Don't refer to me as the dog's "Daddy".

• Preparation: Those cans of Mountain Dew hidden in the pantry are for emergency medicinal purposes. Stop drinking them.

• Purity: But no more of these 20 minute showers.

• Seek:  Those needles to inflate the basketball. We must own 30.

• Genealogy: Refrain from pointing out how stupid the fashions were back in the '80's. It was an important era for your mom and me.

• Hidden Mysteries: I would like to never see an empty Otter-Pop wrapper in the couch again.

• Wisdom: Point out when you are actually quoting Napoleon Dynamite. Sometimes I think you just talk that way.

• Strength: Be a man - kill the spider yourself.

• CTR: Don't resort to using our bathroom because yours is out of toilet paper. Change The Roll.

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I can dream, can't I?

Happy Father's Day to all you Dads out there!

24 Hours? What Would You Do?

I went to lunch with some friends yesterday. The fish tacos were good, the conversation, better. At one point, one of my friends, who is currently working in the Young Men's program, said:

"I asked some of the boys on Sunday what they would do if they found out that they only had 24 hours to live.  Nobody really had an answer, but a few of them mentioned that they would spend some time reading the Book of Mormon. I didn't tell them this, but that is he stupidest answer, ever.  It's like opening the road map after you've arrived at the destination."

We all had a good chuckle, but it is a question that deserves some thought.  What would you do? 

Here are my thoughts:

If I knew I was going to die at Noon tomorrow, I figure I would spend some time getting my paperwork in order - life insurance, wills, etc. Write a farewell letter to my loved ones. Then I would spend the evening with my wife and kids. I would eat whatever I wanted.   Lots of smoochin'. And I would probably stay up most the night repenting. The next morning I might spend some time writing some thank-you notes, and making sure there aren't any remaining fences that need mended.

One thing for sure, is that I would arrange my schedule so that when my 24 hours were up, I would be in the temple. (I know...you can say it: Genius.)

While dying in the temple might prove inconvenient for some, I figure that it would be good on several levels:

1) It would sound so awesome at my funeral. "This good brother died while in the service..."

2) It would give the temple workers something different to talk about, and a sense of relief - because odds are, it should have been one of them.

3) When I arrive at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter can give me wink and say. "Well played, Brother. Well played."

Mercy & The Blinking Folder of Doom

Yesterday I saw that one of my favorite readers, Jennie, had a case of the dreaded hard drive failure. My sympathy goes out to her, and to anyone else who has experienced this rude realization that digital life is fragile.

Her struggle reminded me of a similar occasion I experienced. I'm writing it down so that it gets written down - but you can read it too.

A few years ago, I was working on a very important project. This particular project was worth many thousands of dollars to me and my family. I was at work the night before deadline, trying to get everything wrapped up so that I could get it submitted the next morning.  I remember that it was after midnight, and I wanted to get finished and get to bed.

Then it happened: My Mac turned itself off. I wasn't too worried, because I have developed a "save reflex" and save the files I am working on frequently, without even thinking about it. I chose to develop this skill, rather than throw myself off a bridge.  I had been burned before.

I restarted the Mac, and waited for it to boot up.  Chime...wait..screen...wait...desktop...good to go.  Only this time, after the start-up chime, the normal process was interrupted by this:

I have affectionately learned to call this the "Blinking Folder of Doom".  Not to be confused with the "Blue Screen of Death". While the "Blue Screen of Death" means the system is dead, the "Blinking Folder of Doom" means that your computer does not see your hard drive - which usually means the hard drive is dead. Dead, as in everything on that drive is now unaccessible.

So I restarted the computer. Again. And again. And again. Nothing.

I began to sweat.

I found my system disks and ran a disk utility program.  Nothing.

I began to get nauseous.

I ran a third-party disk repair program.  Nothing.

I called my EC at 1:00am, explained the problem, and told her I would be late.

I restarted the computer 20 more times.

I got angry at the computer.

I got angry at myself for not having backed up. At all.

I cussed. Out loud.

I started the computer 20 more times. Aggressively.

I tried to figure out if I had time to recreate all the work to meet my deadline.  Impossible.

I noticed that it was now 3:00am, and I again fought the urge to vomit.

It shames me to confess that up until this time it had not occurred to me to ask for God's help. But I was quickly becoming very humble.  So, I did what I should have done hours earlier.  I prayed. I repented. I asked for help.

"Heavenly Farther it is important to me and my family that I can save this hard drive. It is a righteous desire. I need a miracle. Please help me. Please fix my hard drive."

I stood up, and with complete faith I pushed the startup button. I heard the chime, the screen flickered for a moment, and there before me was...the Blinking Folder of Doom. Still.

I was not pleased. It was a righteous desire, right? Was I really asking that much? He created the universe, right? But I knew that my heart wasn't right.  I was angry, and I was giving God my order like He worked at a drive-thru repair shop. My "humility" was forced.

So, I sat and thought. And eventually I prayed again. It was a very different prayer, I was no longer angrily desperate, merely desperate. I no longer expected, merely hoped.  I knew God had the power to help me, but I didn't know if He should. This time I was more specific.  This time I asked the Lord to help me know what to do to solve the problem.

At 3:30am, I got up from my knees and pushed the startup button yet another time.  I heard the chime...and the hard drive spun up. Everything loaded on the screen - it was all there!  I quickly transferred all the important files off my computer, onto an external hard drive. Seconds after the transfer was complete, the system crashed again, and that hard drive never worked again.

God did not repair my hard drive - but He gave me 3 minutes. 180 seconds. It was enough. 

I tearfully returned to my knees, stunned with gratitude. I plugged the hard drive into another computer, finished my project, met my deadline, and went home as the sun was coming up.

Now ye may suppose that this is foolishness in me; but behold I say unto you, that by small and simple things are great things brought to pass; and small means in many instances doth confound the wise.  Alma 37:6

Runaway!

Yesterday I posted about how Christ and the Apostles made an effort to sneak away for some rest and relaxation. Good for them! They ran into some problems/opportunities along the way, or we might not ever have known that they took breaks.

My EC and I like to get away. We love to travel, and have been able to pull off some ridiculously great trips during the course of our marriage.  We also have five children that we love, care for and parent the best we can.

These two things are not mutually exclusive.  You do not have to sacrifice one to have the other. Personally, I believe that quality time away from the kids, the job, and the stress of life actually enhances a marriage - and can help parents be better parents.

Elder Joe J. Christensen wrote that one way to strengthen our marriages is to, "Keep the courtship alive. Make time to do things together - just the two of you. As important as it is to be with the children as a family, you need regular weekly time together. Scheduling it will let your children know that your marriage is so important that you need to nurture it. That takes commitment, planning and scheduling." (Marriage and the Great Plan of Happiness)

Elder Russell M. Nelson said, "Good communication includes taking time to plan together. Couples need private time to observe, to talk, and really listen to each other. They need to cooperate - helping each other as equal partners. They need to nurture spiritual as well as physical intimacy." (Nurturing Marriage) (Yes, the Apostle did say physical intimacy.)

I recognize that I am making a leap from weekly dating to going on a vacation. If one is tough, the other might seem impossible. But here is why it works for me:  Dates are great, even though a weekly date can be very difficult. And then, when we actually do get out on a date, we go to a movie, the temple, or out with friends or other family. None of activities are conducive to the kinds of interaction and conversation that dig deep and nurture a marriage.

I have found that I need to spend TIME with my EC. It takes a while to get past the day-to-day stuff that we are dealing with to be able to talk about other IMPORTANT stuff.

How tacky is it to quote myself?  Here goes anyway...last summer in a post entitled "Joy in the Journey", I wrote about how much I love roadtrips, and one of those reasons factors into this discussion. "Some of the best, and most impacting conversations I have ever had with my wife are when we are on the open road. We are both accustomed to this, and look forward to it when we travel. We talk about life, memories, kids, callings, gospel, politics, finances, pop culture, and anything else that hits us.  Remarkable that after 25 years together we still always have things to talk about. 

The decision to move forward and have another kid developed from this type of road trip conversation. Twice. (And you thought gas was the expensive part of driving.)"

Another important part of vacationing together, is that it is a reminder to ourselves, and each other, that our marriage is the most important earthly relationship that we have. It is more important than our relationship with our kids, or siblings, or parents, etc. Some of you will jump in and say "Our relationship with our kids is not less important than our marriage - it is just different."  You could say that, but you would be wrong.

President Kimball, quoting D&C 42:22 "Thou shalt love thy wife with all thine heart and cleave unto her and none else" said that "The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of husband or wife and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor PERSON shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse."  (Miracle of Forgiveness, p. 250)

Our kids are persons. So, if you are trying to find a Friday/Saturday to escape together, but you can't because of soccer games...

My experience regarding these matters is not based solely on the experiences from my own marriage. I have spoken with people who have told me that they have never gotten away with their spouse since they started having children. Some say it proudly as if it is some wise sacrifice on their part. Part noble, part martyr. I think it neither.

I have had others proudly state that they have gone on many vacations, but have always taken the kids with them - and seem almost amazed that I would ditch the kids and leave town with my wife.

My FOMLs know by where I put my time and my actions that my marriage is a top priority in my life. And yes, sometimes it inconveniences them. Tough cookies.

Just this last General Conference, President Eyring listing things Priesthood holders must do to lift and lead their homes. He said, "The second imperative is to love your wife. It will take faith and humility to put her interests above your own in the struggles of life." (Families Under Covenant)  (Translation of this quote:  Brethren: If you are getting ready to go hunting, and your wife is about ready to lose it - you don't go hunting. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT YOU WANT. IT MATTERS WHAT SHE WANTS. And I guarantee you, your wife could use a couple of days off. If you don't believe me, just ask her. Sisters: Getaways with girlfriends aren't part of the solution here.)

I have also seen situations where one spouse is adamant that they can't possibly leave the kids, work, calling for a getaway, or even a date night, while the other spouse would love to get away, The one spouse is sadly resigned, and says nothing. The other spouse is oblivious to their partner's needs. This is not a healthy marriage. This may be hard for you to believe, but the kids will survive without you for a day or two.

My childhood gives me a slightly different perspective on this than for many of you. My eldest brother was severely handicapped. Caring for him was labor intensive, and it was extremely difficult and expensive for my parents to find the necessary caregivers to allow them to go away together.  But they did it. I'm sure it was hard, and it wasn't frequent, but they did it anyway. If they could do it, I have no excuse.  It can be tough, and you might have to plan a long ways out, but it is worth it.

As Elder Christensen said - it takes commitment, planning and scheduling.

So get out the calendar and start planning.

Oh, wait. What about babysitters and money? Dealbreaker - right? Wrong! Here are a few quick thoughts - first on how to get the kids taken care of, then how to afford travel:

1) Grandparents

2) College students between semesters.

3) Aunts and Uncles

4) Farm the kids out to friend's houses.

5) Trade with another family

6) Plan for when some of the kids are already gone to camp of EFY, etc.

Can't afford it?

1) Collect points on credit cards.

2) Watch for great deals on sites like Groupon.

3) Stay local. (Save on gas or airfare - we spent our last anniversary 15 miles from our house and kids)

4) Stay home.  Farm the kids out, tell everyone you are leaving town. Go back home, and unplug the phone. (Redbox, pizza, and quiet)

5) Save your change in a giant, plastic Mountain Dew bank.  (That's what I do.)

(One of these days I will write a post of experiences that demonstrate why these trips with my EC are so valuable to me, so be thinking of your own.)

I've Been on Vacation (I'm Trying to Be Like Jesus)

Yes, you read the title right, and some of you might be curious as to what I meant. Sorry if it isn't really clear.  My point was that my EC and I ran away for a few days this past week to spend some quality alone time together. Just us, no kids, no work, no church stuff, etc. It was great! We take little couple trips like this every now and again.  I'll explain why later.

What?  That isn't the part you were curious about?  Oh! The part how I am trying to be like Jesus? That part?  Well, I must give credit where credit is due.  The getaway vacation isn't really my idea - Jesus came up with it long before I did. Seriously, I don't know why this section of scripture isn't talked about all the time.  I searched the entire LDS.org and only found one reference to Jesus' vacation example. (Neal A. Maxwell's AMAZING talk: Wisdom and Order)

Let me set it up for you...  In Mark, chapter 6, we read about how Jesus called the twelve Apostles, and sent them forth two-by-two to teach the gospel. They got right after it and taught repentance, cast out devils, and healed the sick - just like the Savior had instructed them. (Mark 6:7, 12-13)

Later, the Apostles and the Savior reunited, and the Apostles told Jesus about all the great things they had been able to do. (Mark 6:30)  That's when Jesus had an idea:

"And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert (private) place, and rest for a while: for there were many coming and going, and they had no leisure so much as to eat." (Mark 6:31)

Private, rest, leisure?  Those are vacation words. (Have you ever been so busy that you didn't have time to eat?  Yep, me too.)

So they boarded a boat to go get some peace and quiet, but the people figured out where they were headed, and beat them there. And there were a lot of them. Thousands. But Christ, true to His nature, felt compassion on the crowds and began to teach them.

The Apostles saw their vacation going down the drain, and approached the Savior and said "This is a desert place, and now the time is far passed. Send them away...for they have nothing to eat." (Mark 6:35-36)

But Christ was merciful and performed a mighty miracle: He fed the five thousand men, not to mention the women and children.

Back to the vacation:  He then told the Apostles to get back in the boat and cross over to a different place, while He took care of sending the people back to their homes.

Christ then went up the mountain for some of His own private time, but from the mountain He could see that the Apostles were in trouble - they were struggling, the wind was blowing in the wrong direction, and by now it was after 3:00 in the morning. (I've had vacations like that.) Finally, Jesus walked out on the water to help them. The winds ceased when he entered the boat.

When they got to the shore, the crowds returned, and it was back to business.  Neither the Savior nor His Apostles got their much needed break. Thankfully, someone thought to record these miraculous thing. We often hear about the feeding of the 5,00, and Christ's walking on the water - but we never hear it in the context of what they were trying to do at the time.

Christ knew His ministry would be short, but He also knew his brand new Apostles.  After all the things they had quickly experienced, I imagine that having a little time to rest, process, and be taught would have been of tremendous value.

It also reminds me of a story that was told about Joseph Smith and the importance of taking a break now and then:

That Joseph Smith liked to pull sticks, wrestle, play baseball, swim, and hunt is generally well known. William Allred, who played ball with Joseph many times, recalled an instance when someone criticized the Prophet for indulging in play. To answer the criticism Joseph told a parable about a prophet and a hunter—clearly explaining his own philosophy about the relationship of play to work. As the story goes, a certain prophet sat under a tree “amusing himself in some way.” Along came a hunter and reproved him. The prophet asked the hunter if he always kept his hunting bow strung up. “Oh no,” said he.


"Why not?”

“Because it would lose its elasticity.”

“It is just so with my mind,” stated the prophet; “I do not want it strung up all the time.” (Ensign: Joesph Smith & Nauvoo’s Youth).”

So both the Savior and Joseph Smith understood the importance of taking a break. Not only is it OK, it is good for the mind and the soul.  And tomorrow, I will write about how it is good for the marriage.

Start planning! What would Jesus do?

Take That!

There are two kinds of people in this world: Givers and Takers.  And some that do both. Three kinds. Three kinds of people in the world. Of course there are some who are predominately Givers, who Take once in a while, and vice-versa, so that makes five. Five types of people in the world.

I came to the sad realization today that in certain aspects of my life, I am a Taker. I am ashamed. What brought me to this conclusion? A pizza. A really good pizza. To be precise, a NY-style pizza with pesto and tomatoes.

My EC and I are traveling. After destroying the kitchen the other day, the only recourse I had was to abandon the house and the children and go on a road trip. We hope everything will still be there when we get back.  And that the stove will have had time to magically self-regenerate.

When we travel, we rely on two wonderful websites and/or phone apps. TripAdvisor & Yelp.

If you aren't familiar with either of these, you should check them out. They are our brains when we travel.  Both are sites that catalogue customer reviews of everything from hotels to restaurants and things to do in any specific area. For example, say you are going to Paris, France, or Kanab, Utah. (Both fabulous choices.) You go onto these sites and type in the name of the city, and it will rank the hotels and restaurants according to customer reviews. The website will list the hotels or restaurants , and rank them according to what people have reported.

The phone app is really great on the road. Since your phone knows where you are, you just tell it to find pizza places nearby, and it will rank them and show you the reviews.  It increases your odds of finding a good hotel, or a good place to eat. Thus, the really good pizza that we ate. Loads of people took the time to write a review of the pizza joint, and several mentioned the pesto pizza.

I am not naive enough to believe that all of the reviews are legitimate. I'm sure that the night manager has a top-secret item on his to-do list that says "write fake positive reviews and post them online." So, as Mike Brady would say "Caveat Emptor".

So, here are a couple of things to consider:

1) If there are only a couple of glowing reviews, be skeptical.

2) If there are 57 reviews telling you to eat the corn chowder, stop reading and EAT THE CORN CHOWDER.

3) Don't just look at the star rankings - read the actual reviews.  Sometimes people might like a hotel for the very reason you might hate it. (Great party scene, nudist beach, etc.)

We have grown so accustomed to this technology that we are rarely disappointed in where we eat or stay. It just takes a little effort on the front-end. And it can also help you save money. That is my travel tip for you.  

So what does this have to do with me being a Taker instead of a Giver?  Here is my confession:  I use these sites all the time, and take information from them.  But I RARELY type in a review of my own. I mean, how selfish is that? It would have taken me less time to write a review for tonight's pizza than it did to write this post - but I didn't do it.

I hope whoever runs the internet and watches my every click and keystroke doesn't read this and decide to ban me for being selfish. This might be the only time I can actually repent and be judgmental at the same time.

The Most Expensive Meal I've Ever Cooked - or Eaten

As my EC is currently mired in wedding prep, I decided to fulfill my role of Stupendous Husband and cook dinner for the family tonight. So, I chose to make one of my specialty inventions.  We call it "Swai-Thai."  And it is fabulous. (Sorry if I don't sound too humble - I'm just trying to be accurate.)

First, the recipe, then why it was so expensive. (Remember, I am a guy, and guys don't believe in measuring)

1) Get a soup-spoonful of panang curry paste and a soup-spoon of vegetable oil - more if you want it hotter.
2) Cook them together in a big skillet until it gets hot and fragrant.
3) Pour in two cans of coconut milk and a can of water.
4) Stir until bubbly.
5) Add the zest from half a lime, a spoonful of sugar, and a pinch of salt.
6) Put some swai, basa or tilapia fillets in the liquid to poach. (Really inexpensive fish)
7) When they look done, take them out, and put them in the oven to stay warm.
8) Put a sliced up red pepper in the sauce to cook.
9) Add a package of Japanese udon noodles to the sauce, and cook them until they are done. (Stir occasionally, as it will thicken up a lot.)
10) At the last minute, stir two big handfuls of fresh spinach into the mixture.
11) Serve the noodle mixture with  with the fish.

Eleven easy steps. Delicious and exotic. And if it weren't for the coconut milk, it could be healthy.

I imagine you have been doing the math in your head, and trying to figre out how this meal could possibly be the most expensive meal I have ever cooked.

Was it the fish?  No, you can get it for $3-$4 a pound.
The coconut milk?  About a buck or two a can.
The panang curry paste?  Nope. Really cheap, if you can find it. Oriental grocery stores are the BEST!

In a perfect world, this whole meal should only cost around $12.  In my imperfect world, it cost around $1000.00

A thousand dollars for thai food?!!!  Yes. I am first to admit that it was good, but not that good. Why did it cost so much?

The salt.

Well, not actually the salt, more like the salt shaker - rather the sea salt grinder, pictured here:

The grinder cost around $5, so I still have $995 of explaining to do.  Here's what happened:  As I was adding the "pinch" of salt to the sauce, I dropped the salt shaker. Here is the itty-bitty result:

An itty-bitty chip, in our glass cooktop. No big deal right?  But add heat, and within seconds I had this:

The crack in the corner is no big deal, but the crack running up through the element is. Our cooktop is ruined. And the salt shaker didn't even break.

Being the technological wizard that I am, I quickly did a search to find out how much it would cost to replace the glass.  Did I mention that the cooktop is 10 years old?  It is practically "vintage."  I did find one for $500. $200 shipping. $165 delivery. No, not quite a thousand to put new glass on a 10-year-old stove. (Something about putting new glass on old stoves sound almost scriptural.)

So? How about a new one? I don't even have the stomach to look...

That is how my kindness was rewarded tonight. In trying to please my EC and take care of my family, I am rewarded with a $1000 plate of fish. Serves me right. We could have microwaved corn-dogs.

What would I rather do with $1000?  In order to vent, I'm writing a few of them down.

• Pay for my son's wedding luncheon.

• Round-trip tickets to Hawaii.

• 2.5 months of my son's mission.

• 900+ sodas.

• A new laptop.

• An MMM luncheon for all my favorite readers.

• Buy out an entire showing of "Breaking Dawn: Part 2" this fall, and not let anyone in.

Needless to say, I am in a cranky mood, and it is no consolation that I am much harder on myself when I do these things than if my EC or one of the FOMLs had done it.

Maybe we just won't use the stove for a while.  I could buy almost 200 $5-Boxes at Taco Bell, and my kids would have something to write about when they go back to school.

Grrr.