There is a lot of hullabaloo out there about a news article that looks into Church finances. Bloomberg Businessweek website is currently running an article entitled "How Mormons Make Money." The proper response to this is "They make money very well, thank you."
Personally, I don't lose a moment of sleep worrying about the way the Church handles the money or its finances. Once I seal the envelope and hand it to the Bishop - it isn't my money anymore. And I do that because God asks me to. I also don't have a problem that the Church is a good steward of the money it receives. If they can turn 5 talents into 10 talents - awesome.
The article was pretty biased, and attempted to make the Church look like it is more about making money that saving souls. Anyone who has served in the Church in callings, in the lay ministry, or humanitarian endeavors knows that this is utter nonsense.
Read the article if you want, but it is not that important. It wasn't even that well researched. They did find out some things that most of us probably don't know, but they didn't dig very deep. Had they really done their homework, they could have found out some really interesting tidbits.
By some strange coincidence, I happen to be privy to 13 of those tidbits right here!
• Upwards of 12% of total Church revenue goes to donuts for youth activities.
• Up to 63% of all liquid Church funds are held in 3-compartment boxes labeled "Savings • Spending • Mission."
• The YM/YW annual costs would double if leaders actually turned in their gas receipts for reimbursement.
• The Church does not have representation present during professional LDS athlete's contract negotiations.
• It has been determined that funding for "Christmas in July" and "Super Saturday's" is probably not considered "money-laundering."
• Based on Fast Offering contributions, most Church members are either eating caviar, or food storage wheat.
• Most wards contribute hundreds, if not thousands of dollars to "Friends of Scouting" to support the National Organization. In return, each of those wards receive approximately $7.31 in annual support from the National Organization.
• The single fastest-growing Church expenditure is for t-shirts. It has been speculated that the Church could greatly expand its net worth by selling City Creek Mall, and opening an online silkscreen shop.
• The monthly cost for a full-time mission is standardized at $400/month. Seniors couple costs vary, but seniors can go most anywhere they want, do what they want, for as long as they want - as long as they pay their own way.
• The heaviest tithing ever recorded in one envelope was contributed by Timmy Wright, or Santaquin, Utah. Weighing in at 3.25lbs, the donation totaled $2.37. It should be noted that after processing the tithing, the ward financial clerk required a PPI with the Bishop.
• In business world, many weaker businesses are consumed by monopolistic monsters that consume everything in their paths, and leave a trail of broken competitors in their wakes. In the Church we refer to that as Deseret Book.
• The main focus of the Church is to bring in huge amounts of money, so the top leadership can live out their days in extravagant luxury. Oh, wait. That would be the US Congress. My bad.
• The average member is acutely aware that every crafty handout at church, and every trip to Dairy Queen after Mutual is being paid for by someone's tithing. That's why we order the small Blizzards.
LDS humor Mormon humorist blog