Here's my thought: If I could go back in time, I would teach my children a greater love and respect for those who have made their way in life without parents. I am talking about instilling an appreciation for orphans in their hearts.
The opportunities are all around. Opportunities for service, for understanding. I'm sure there is a basis in scripture for this. My children are well acquainted with many orphans, but I never took the time to call attention to it. For example, even at the earliest age, they were watching movies about orphans:
Jungle Book (Mowgli)
Alladin
Snow White
Tarzan
As they grew older, they encountered new orphaned heroes:
Wolverine
Batman
Superman
Spiderman
Famous authors and characters:
Jane Eyre
J.R.R. Tolkein
Leo Tolstoy
Even one of our beloved prophets, Joseph F. Smith, was orphaned at age 13.
I should have made an effort to help my children understand how awesome orphans are. Then, when they reached the age of serious dating, I could have encouraged them to date orphans. Exclusively.
Why date only orphans? Well, we have been taught that those you date are those you marry.
Marry an orphan = no in-laws. That's the epiphany. Brilliant, isn't it?
No in-laws means that the kids never have to spend Christmas with the "other side" of the family. It means that the other grandpa won't be cooler, or richer, or smarter than me. It means that we will have the kids and grandkids to ourselves for the major holidays and events. There will be no competition!
Wait, wait! I know it sounds a tad selfish on my part, but if my kids marry orphans, they will think it's great, too. I remember those days of trying to keep both sets of parents happy - and it seems like we always failed. The young couple will never fight about whose turn it is for this or that. It will also make it so that my sons never have to worry about the Mother-in-law. Their wives will never run and tell all their troubles to their moms, greatly improving their chances for a happy marriage. My daughter will never, ever, hear the painful words "This is good, but I like my mom's cooking better." See? Joy and happiness all around!
Note: I know some of you men will feel compelled to leave a comment about how fabulous your MIL is. Go right ahead - I totally get it - so go for it - it will make great points for you at home. ;)
So you see, it's not just about me, but about trying to spread happiness and joy to the next generation. It may be too late for my older kids, but I've got more. For those of you with younger kids - It's never too early to start. Good luck!
"Hey boys, gather around. Harry Potter Marathon!"
LDS humor Mormon humorist
You are such a stinker!
ReplyDeleteOn the flip side of that - More grandparents to love your grandchildren. ;)
Stinker? I'll take that! I wish my kids had their grandparents around...
DeleteBrilliant... LOL
ReplyDeleteNot only did my parents not teach me to prefer orphans, they didn't teach me to avoid dates with guys who had divorced parents, both remarried. As a result, I have two sets of in-laws!
But as Dana says, my kids have LOTS of grandparents that adore them... so I guess I'll just take this one for the team. ;)
Love this! Oh the heartache that could be prevented if we teach our children to follow your advice.
ReplyDeleteOh, the joy I could have had... And yet! Because of my hubby's family, I have learned more about tolerance, forgiveness, unconditional love, and patience than I ever knew existed. Or wanted. Frankly, it's been really hard. So most of my heart agrees with your slightly sarcastic post (it was funny, truly). But... Yeah. ;)
ReplyDeleteSlightly sarcastic? More like hugely sarcastic!
DeleteOr live far away from both. When you live in Calgary, there are no expectations (unless there is a death wish) to drive to Seattle or Denver for Christmas. Just a quiet Christmas at home, with no one but us. The folks know they get one visit a year, so that is that.
ReplyDeleteMoved back to Utah, Seattle parents still get one visit and the Denver(Idaho now) parents are on a mission to Ecuador. Still no tough choices or hurt feelings, but with the benefit of siblings and cousins.
This post, even though I know it is suppose to be sarcastic or funny brought tears to my eyes. As I never got to know my mother-in-law as she passed away a couple years before and my father-in-law died 5 years after we were married. How I miss my children getting to know their grandparents! And yet we still have to decide where to go for Thanksgiving and Christmas as there are siblings. So maybe your children should not just look for orphans but only children also!
ReplyDeleteSorry if I made you sad - I was just goofing around. For the record, I have great In-laws, and even though we are now lost 3/4 of our parents, we miss them constantly. I was just goofing about when my kids get married.
DeleteBut orphan girls marrying into the family means no in-laws to pay for the wedding.
ReplyDeleteI think it's important to make sure that the orphans also don't have any siblings.... ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd on the off chance that any of my in-laws happen to read your post and comments, I actually love them very much, and would be sad without my husband's 7 siblings and their spouses in my life.
DeleteNice catch.
DeleteAs a mother-in-law I just want it known that I never interfere. The kids (all 8) know that they are free to come and go whenever they like. (They just never see the tears when they don't come...or go)
ReplyDeleteHubby and I agree that we were both blessed with awesome mother in laws...his mom slightly more awesome (because she's less opinionated than mine, lol).
ReplyDeleteHowever, our married son (who I acquired with the EC when he was 14)is married to a lovely girl who also has two sets of parents. Hence, they have FOUR sets to try and keep happy. For awhile, three sets lived in the same town, so....one Christmas there, one Christmas here. Now the parents are starting to spread out and it makes it harder. As does the fact that the kids are in law school and broke.
Our consolation....one day last summer when they were visiting, my DIL came running downstairs in tears and gave me a giant hug and told me, "We love you guys so much. THANK YOU for being normal! We have all these parents and you guys are the only normal set we have!"
I'm not sure what constitutes "normal" and "abnormal" in her book, but it made me happy that maybe they'll be electing to spend more time with us. Especially once grandkids start arriving.
Just to clarify, the EC wasn't 14 when we married, his son was, lol.
DeleteDoh, head in palm.
ReplyDeleteWhy didn't you have this epiphany and sgaer it before I married 20 years ago ?? I am one of those luck guys with 2 MIL's and there fore 3 sets of parents to fit into a Christmas day or any other day for that matter ! Cue non pc MIL jokes
"I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport."
"My wife said: 'Can my mother come down for the weekend?' So I said: 'Why?' and she said: 'Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already'.
"I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay... the mice throw themselves on the traps."
It's interesting that our upbringing does affect who we marry. My brother (the oldest) married the youngest of nine. I (the youngest) married the oldest of 12. Not quite sure what that says about him, but I was thrilled to have lots of younger siblings (which I never had as a kid).
ReplyDeleteWe solved the holidy dilemma by living far enough away the first Christmas and being poor enough that we had to tough it out on our own (yes, tears). But we started building our own traditions rather than being bound to one family's steep tradition or the other's.
Our kids have always lived far from Grandparents, and that was a major bummer, frankly. My own kids seem on a similar track, as each has moved far away as they've left the nest.
That is a brilliant strategy, and we did teach our children that they marry not only an individual but a family. However, one of the VERY unexpected blessings of our sons getting married (we've had three make the leap so far) is getting to know three absolutely fabulous new families. I love my sons' in-laws!
ReplyDeleteWe also solved the "where do you go for Christmas" dilemma by living 2,000 miles away from our own parents, thus establishing our tradition to be together just as a nuclear family, and then not getting upset when our kids did the same thing. (That's what you get when you send them west for college.)
I love this. For April Fools I'm pretending to be engaged and my fake fiance is an orphan. Tragically his parents were killed in a car accident a couple years ago. This made an easy out for me when it comes to people asking me about his parents. I don't have to like them and they don't have to like me because 1. they don't exist, but 2. sadly I won't have the opportunity to meet them in this life. It's really a great way to go.
ReplyDeletegreat way to go with the joke, not a great way to go out of life . . .
ReplyDeleteConsidering what my sister went through when she got married, I feel blessed to have the in-laws I have. I'm the first daughter in law (the only have 3 girls to balance out their 9 boys) so they're thrilled to have another daughter. Do I agree with them 100% of the time, or with their parenting tactics 100%? Not really. But I don't tell them that. Do they agree with me 100% of the time? No. But that's okay. Besides... I'm a better cook than his mom (but I've also never had to cook for 12 kids). We've already come to the conclusion that we can't satisfy everyone, so we don't really try. We do what we can, but we don't go too far out of our way. Smart? I think so.
ReplyDeleteMy husband married an orphan. (Me) Two of my sons married orphans. So I get your point very well. I have actually been known to say that if I had to be without my parents then there needs to be a blessing to compensate a little and it is that his family is more like my own than it would have been. And my daughter in laws are hungry for a mother, so I get to try to fill that need.
ReplyDeleteAnother alternative (I have pondered this deeply) might be to have your children only marry people whose parents have a strong desire to serve a mission. That way, you not only get the benefit of CIL with strong gospel training but their parents are living in foreign places most of the time.
ReplyDeleteI often wish that blog comments had like buttons, especially when reading your blogs and comments. You have some great readers.
ReplyDeleteHilarious...love it
ReplyDeleteMy parents are in UT my In laws in CA and we live on the east coast somehow it all gets messed up one set can afford to fly us out when they want one set can't It is all very messy stuff add to the list to have your kids only marry people with exact amounts of wealth and success as yours if they have sensitive mothers who compare everything feeling like I better leave this as anonymous in case my sensitive mother has picked up your blog from my sharing it all the time oh the joy of anonymity
ReplyDeleteArranged marriages. That way your kids can have sane in-laws. It would be the best wedding gift ever.
ReplyDeleteAmen!
DeleteNot gonna lie, there were more than a few times when we were first married that I wished my husband was an orphan.
ReplyDelete