PLEASE DO NOT READ BELOW THIS LINE. IT IS FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY.
1) A twenty-year research project has shown that children with elevated IQ's have a natural predisposition to cleanliness and order. Chronic untidiness is symptomatic of below average intelligence.
2) Studies show that caffeine is not as harmful or addictive to adults as it is for children, and that adult bio-chemistry makes it possible for adults to quit at any time.
3) Kids who play violent video games more than 4 hours per week have a greater likelihood of moderate to severe acne.
4) 95% of tooth decay comes from super-oxygenated bacteria, resulting from chewing gum or food with an open mouth.
5) People who listen to rap music earn, on average, 60% less than their non-rap listening counterparts. 85% of all youth and adults who cite Eminem as an important influence are unemployed.
6) After more than three hours, airborne bacteria from damp towels can cause severe infections in the lining of the lung.
7) Daily consumption of peanut butter increase the rate of protein absorption, resulting in increased muscle mass.
8) The leading cause of death for boys ages 14-17 is playing Lucha Libre in the living room. Second, is injuries sustained by flipping kitchen towels.
9) Dental surgeons have established a direct link between excessive texting and maxillary overbites in children and young adults. Extreme cases result in uncontrolled drooling and mouth-breathing.
10) Upon request, internet service providers can furnish data to account holders containing complete website histories, Facebook discussions, and video chat recordings, of all traffic on cellular and home networks.
Hang on...you were asked to NOT read this.
But if you did, I need to reenforce that this list is not for public consumption. It is entirely fabricated. I just made up all of this nonsense for a wise purpose. If you must know the reason...it is that I don't feel it is correct to lie to my children. Lying is wrong, and I need to set a good example, and protect my integrity. That is the why I wrote this list. Now, whenever I feel that it might be helpful in my parenting efforts, I can say:
"Just the other day I was online, and I read that... ( ...fill in the blank here... )"
And I won't be lying - because I DID read it. Right here. And now, so did you!
(Note: If you have any information that you could add as a comment that might come in handy, I would be appreciative. Type it in - then I can "read" it. Thanks!)
LDS humor mormon humorist