This is the second post I have written that contains the word urinal. The first one is located here. It had a happy ending. This one is harder to categorize.
I apologize in advance.
You know the drill: The entire family is on the open road, finally making good time, when someone needs to go to the bathroom.
As a father, my responsibility is to interrogate the person requesting the stop, in order to gauge the sincerity and urgency of the need. When the proper threshold has been met, you begin to look for a bathroom - or a place to pull over. (This is one area in life where boys have a distinct advantage over girls.)
It is at this time that my EC will asks her question: If we stop there to use the bathroom, shouldn't we buy something? Her concern is the same, whether we are stopping at a gas station, convenience store, or fast food outlet. This is because she is just and kind by nature. And also a little bit chicken that someone might yell at her for using the bathroom without buying something.
Here is my philosophy on the subject: I believe that I have put enough money into the McDonald's Universe, that I have earned the right to unlimited, lifetime bathroom breaks. So, I have no moral conflict about it.
Where I am conflicted is that it is hard to find a public restroom that is not vile. (Again, boys have a distinct advantage in area of emerging from a disgusting bathroom uncontaminated.)
Last weekend we were on a family road trip when we needed to make a stop. No, it wasn't my EC, or any of the FOMLs. It was me. Apparently I can't hold a 44oz like I used to back in the day. Must be an age thing. TMI? Look at the title - I warned you!
We found a place to stop. I won't say the name, but they want me to "have it my way". On a scale of 1-10, the restroom was about a 5. Not quite toxic, but not somewhere I desire to spend much time.
I did my business, then walked over to the sink to wash up. There was only one sink, and it was in use. A young man was busily washing his hands. Soap, water, scrub, scrub scrub, rinse. Then he started over - soap, water, scrub, scrub, scrub, rinse.
I thought this guy must be prepping for surgery or something. Or, maybe he is just thorough. Or maybe he knows that the CDC - Center for Disease control says that to be effective, you have to wash, with soap, for at least 20 seconds? 20 seconds is a LONG time. Don't believe me? Start counting now. They also say that anti-bacterial soap makes no difference. (Here is a link to their handwashing page, if you need convincing)
Sorry, back to the story. I'm still standing there, waiting for my chance to wash, when Mister OCD hit the soap and started washing for a third time. I began to feel a a cross between impatient and unclean.
Finally he finished, and moved over to the jet-engine hand dryer mounted on the wall, as I stepped up to the sink. I spent a good 10 seconds washing, and we both finished at the same time.
As I stepped up to take my turn at the dryer, he turned and walked...to the urinal - and unzipped.
I thought "Whaaa?"
I was baffled. But by the time my hands were dry, and I was reaching for the scary doorknob, it began to make sense.
Think about it.
LDS humorist Mormon humor