King Potty Mouth

When The King's Speech came out last year, I was so excited to see it.  Anything with Captain Barbosa, that crazy lady, and Dad from Nanny McPhee sounds like a ripping good yarn.

As we watched the preview I could tell it was something special.  Then came the dreaded green screen with the R-rating. "Grrrr." said I.  "What a rip!" (This happens to me all the time at the movies.)  You see, my EC and I made a commitment some years back that we weren't going to see any more R-rated movies - no matter how skilled we had become at self-justification.  It has been really hard.  No, I'm not trying to be self-righteous.  Just righteous.  (For more encouragement/guilt on the subject, click here)

So, we didn't see The King's Speech.  A really, really smart friend of mine said it was the best thing she had seen in 10 years. Fine. Twist the knife.   I was still happy to see that it won a bunch of awards last night for two reasons: 1)  It wasn't based on a comic book, and 2) Ben Stiller wasn't in it.

Nevertheless, we never saw it... but we are going to!

Turns out that the producers are releasing a PG-13 version to reach a wider audience (code for more $$$).  Apparently there is a scene where the King utters the dreaded "F" word 15 times, thus earning a well-deserved R-rating.  By cutting out some of that scene, they achieved the new rating.  I am thrilled - but the director and actors who made the movie are mad enough to cuss. (Of course they are all British, and are required by law to use the F-word at least once per sentence.)

They claim that the edits compromise the artistic integrity of the film.  What a crock!  A year from now, when a hacked-up version is on my Delta flight to Atlanta, nobody will be screaming about artistic integrity.  And when TNT wants to pay them a sack of money to show it on cable, suddenly those "F" words won't be so essential to the artistic integrity of the film. Those Hollywood-types are a little irritating - even those who are valiantly trying to overcome speech impediments.

Anyway, I'm glad that I get to see it, and still feel like I'm being obedient.  Not often you get to have your cake and eat it too - with integrity (not the artistic kind).

Sunday Naptime Profundity: Seeing God

A scripture "mash-up" to ponder, from the Sermon on the Mount, and from Alma.

"Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.”

Matthew 5: 8

”I say unto you, can ye look up to God at that day with a pure heart and clean hands? I say unto you, can you look up, having the image of God engraven upon your countenances?”

Alma 5:19

“Perhaps the pure in heart need go no further than their own mirror to see God.”

- MMM -

“But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.”

2 Corinthians 3:18

-Unfortunately, I still see plain old me staring back.  Maybe as I get older, wiser, purer, and my vision gets blurrier.

Also check out: Sunday Naptime Profundity #1

MMM Blogs the Big Game

Today was the big BYU/SDSU, so I decided it was the perfect opportunity to try my hand at blogging the game in real time.  Here's how it turned out:


FIRST HALF
Game Time
20:00     I think BYU should be wearing white, cuz they look "purer" that way.
19:30    "Enter to Learn, Go Forth to Kick Aztec Butt"  I think it says that on a sign as you enter campus.
17:06    I'll bet Adam Lambert tuned the game off as soon as he saw that the Cougs aren't wearing the pink sneakers today.
15:10    Good thing Fredette is amazing. With a name like Jimmer you had better be great at something, or people will just think your parent's hated you.

13:02    Luckily Hartsock is so tall, most people can't see that bald spot.
10:20    The red/black colors of SDSU just reinforce the nature of the battle
8:33    Fredette is amazing
7:05    Hartsock is amazing
5:35   I am surprised that San Diego is doing so well this early in the day,  I imagine most of the school is still hungover from last night.
3:44   CBS is a great reminder of how bad "The Mtn" really is.

2:33   If an SDSU player actually hit Fredette with a blunt instrument, would the refs still look away?

1:39   That shot reminds me of the time Danny Ainge showed up at our Stake Basketball game and stood at half-court and sank threes the whole game.  It wasn't very fun and we were glad he never came back.
:36     You are going to Costco?  Hang on, I need to transfer some money.
:07     I'd love to go with you, if you think we'd be back in 15 minutes.
HALFTIME    Honey, will you bring back a drink? Mountain Dew. 44. (unspoken "duh")
SECOND HALF
17:50   If BYU is the Lord's University, I wonder how He's feeling about that last call?
16:35   I know Fredette is the POY, but I sure love watching Jackson Emery
15:54   Stick a finger in my eye.
13:38   Telestial officiating
12:09   I know Fredette is the POY, but I sure love watching Jackson Emery
11:52   Nice to see that even officials can repent
11:18    I  know Fredette is the POY, but I sure love watching Jackson Emery  (Did I already say that?)
8:15    K.  I won't say it again.
7:52   Do you thing alley-oop comes from the French words allez meaning "off you go" and oop meaning "you suck"?
7:09   Pause.  (Let me take this moment to state that I believe that whoever invented the DVR was inspired by higher powers)
5:21   BYU +8  palms getting sweaty, and I'm not even sitting next to my EC.
4:19   I wonder how long it has been since Steve Fischer passed away.
3:45   Abuou=Superman
2:24   Starting to think it was actually worth dragging myself out of bed at Noon for this.
1:08  Wishing for overtime - I have lots of chores.
33.2   Jimmer actually looks happy.  Weird!
00      Hoorah!  I need a nap.  Way too go Cougs!

To my sweet EC who is getting a little freaked out...

Eqypt, Libya, New Zealand, "Two and a Half Men".  The world is obviously in commotion, and sometimes it starts to stress my EC.  Being the optimist that I am, I try and console her by saying "It will be OK sweetheart, it has to get a lot worse than THIS before it gets better." (Yeah, I'm thoughtful like that)


In Luke 21:9 the Savior said:
 "But when ye shall hear of wars and commotions, be not terrified: for these things must first come to pass... (Isn't that what I said?)


Elder Scott added:
"You have a choice. You can wring your hands and be consumed with 
concern for the future or choose to use the counsel the Lord has given to

live with peace and happiness in a world awash with evil. If you choose to

concentrate on the dark side, this is what you will see. . . . Now the

brighter side. Despite pockets of evil, the world overall is majestically

beautiful, filled with many good and sincere people. God has provided a way

to live in this world and not be contaminated by the degrading pressures

evil agents spread throughout it. You can live a virtuous, productive,

righteous life by following the plan of protection created by your Father

in Heaven: His plan of happiness."

(Richard G. Scott, "How to Live Well amid Increasing Evil," Ensign, May 2004)

Unfortunately, Elder Scott did not make any comment regarding gas prices,

or if we should start learning Farsi.

The Psychology of Callings

In accordance with the recently announced changes in ward level operations, the Unofficial Journal of Mormon Psych* has announced that as of Jan 1, 2011, the following callings are NO LONGER considered automatic precursors to Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):

- Enrichment Committee Leader  (Position removed)

- Activities Committee Chairperson (Position removed)

- Bishop  (Stress is to be delegated to the Ward Council)

The following callings CONTINUE to be considered automatic precursors to PTSD.

- Scoutmaster

- Nursery Worker

- Eagle Coordinator

- Stake Basketball Referee

- Transient Bishop

- Singles/Student Ward Bishop

It is suggested that you take these changes into consideration before trying to whine your way out of a calling.

* Don't go looking for this journal.  I made it up.  Just like the stuff in most Psychology Journals.

Today's post is not a post (Whaa?)

After a little badgering, and the need to clarify a couple of things, I finally wrote my profile.  It is now firmly ensconced behind a little link called "My profile" over there near the top. (Not the "view my complete profile") ------>

Sorry I didn't have the time to tell you the important stuff like what TV shows and movies I like.  Eventually I'll get to it.  Right now I need to get back to my real job and make some money.  Happy Wednesday.

MMM

I'm posting my profile Wednesday. Any Questions?

I have neglected posting a profile of myself since I began blogging. It just felt a bit too self-congratulatory, in my case. However, I have begun to be barraged* by questions regarding who I am, and what I believe.  While I might not discuss the former, I will surely consider the latter.  I would also be happy to answer any questions about any topic that might vex you.  You don't make it to fifty without amassing untold amounts of knowledge.  (I also have ChaCha)

*does "several" constitute a barrage?  A mini-barrage?

Please email me if your question is too personal - but not "Bishop" personal. middleagedmormonman@gmail.com

Thank you for your assistance.

MMM

The things some people will do...

The other day the lady that grooms our dog told my EC that she should consider hair extensions for the dog.  She thought she was joking.  But the groomer insisted that they are very popular.

My response:  Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!  That is crazy!  Hair extensions for a dog?  But it is 100% true.  People actually do lay out all kinds of money to make their dog's fur look longer and more exotic. Who woulda thought?

But wait!  It gets even better!

Haha - hehe- gasp! Stop, can't breathe!

The worth of a buck is great...

Daily conversation with my EC this past week:

"Are you working on President's Day"
"No."
"Let's do something fun!"
"I have to make the Pinewood Derby."
--Silence -- (She's really good at knowing when silence is the perfect response)

I have been making Pinewood Derby cars (PDs) for 10 years now.  Never had a winner. Probably never will.  I decided a long time ago that none of the FOMLs will ever experience a 1st Place finish.  I learned this my very first year when I found out that the brother that worked at the auto proving-grounds would test his son's car in the wind tunnel to gauge wind resistance. (Not joking.)

Without speed, we are left with clever.  Not cool. Cool denotes speed.  Clever is clever, even if its slow.  I can do clever and slow.

This year the youngest FOML is a Bear.  And excited.  Today was the day to build his car.

First off, we hit Lowes to buy some sandpaper and glue, etc.  I feel comfortable there.  I feel at home roaming the aisles.  From there we went to Hobby Lobby.  Not quite the same "vibe." I can best describe it as an estrogen-fueled atmosphere.  It is not a place where men are the dominant gender.

I asked the lady working near the entrance where the PD supplies were.  She stared at me for about 5 seconds.  (If you don't think five seconds is a painfully long time, start counting now.)  She pointed towards the rear of the store and said "Somewhere back there."

We were able to find the one aisle in the store that had a hint of testosterone.  Model cars and airplanes, Estes rockets, and a whole section for PD supplies.  Granted, it was one aisle of a store the size of Walmart, but I have to give them credit for having this stuff.

My son actually has an opinion.  I would hold a a paint tube, and he would say " I don't think so, we need something with a little more red in it."  What? I was used to all of my boys saying "I dunno.  Whatever you think Dad."

So I put him in charge of picking out the paint color.  He did surprisingly well.  So, I showed him where the lead weights were hanging, and told him to pick some out.  He returned with a package of tungsten weights for $17.99.

Almost puked.  I walked him back to the rack and grabbed a package of lead weights for $3.99.  He didn't understand.

Never one to let a teaching moment go by, I crouched down to eye-level and explained to him.  "Son, there are a lot of people in the world who aren't very smart.  And there are a lot of people in the world who are really good at taking money away from the stupid people.  Only stupid people would spend 20 bucks on weights for a Pinewood Derby."  He still looked confused, so I asked him "Are we smart? Or are we stupid?"  He brightened up and quickly answered "We are smart!"  I said "That's right!  So let's buy the cheap ones."

We got everything we needed, learned a little lesson, and were able to leave the "Estrogen Lobby" in less than a half-hour.  Turns out I had a great day with my son building a very fun (not fast) car.  It felt very satisfying, and I think my skin is a little softer.

Sunday Naptime Profundity: Journals

Just a note to all of you out there blogging about your experiences and your families. Keep up the good work.
-  It is a noble effort.

Here is one of my favorite quotes (by me) to help keep you motivated:

"Those who do not keep journals will be defined by those who do."

 (Just ask Laman and Lemuel)

- Middle-aged Mormon Man -


Also:  Check out Sunday Naptime Profundity #2

The Mormon What????

(If you are someone who can't read "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn" without a black marker in hand, turn back now!)

1905 was a bad time to be a Black man in America.

1905 was a bad time to be a Mormon in America.

Why not write a song about it?  Two enterprising songwriters decided to take a stab at simultaneously offending both the Black and Mormon communities with their 1905 minstrel toe-tapper "The Mormon Coon" (FYI  the word "coon" is super-racist - thus the risk of offense. Be advised - we are using the word in an historical context.)

The song is a quirky little story of a Black man named Ephraim who relocates to Utah, where he finds happiness in marrying a bevy of wives of all shapes, sizes and colors. 

To prove it, here is a picture of the actual record:

But wait!  There's More!  Here is the sheet music so you can play and sing along!

And the "coup de grâce" is that I have posted the actual recording for your listening pleasure...

Now for the research-y, serious part:

I discovered this while reading a fascinating article by the Incredibly Smart Martha M. Ertman of the University of Maryland School of Law entitled "Race Treason: The Untold Story of America's Ban on Polygamy" In it, she makes the case that Mormons were cast as minorities in the population, and lumped together with many other ethnic populations which were on the receiving end of tremendous racism.  The Mormon persecution was more about racism, and less about religious persecution. (Waaaay oversimplified - read the whole article to understand better.)

Even the author Jack London had a character in the novel "The Jacket" say "They ain't whites, they're Mormons" - further illustrating this point.  Because, if they weren't white (which these Mormons were)  then those pesky laws and that freedom of religion didn't really need to be applied equally.

I read a lot, and as you probably can tell by now, I know most everything. But, this whole discussion of racism against the early Mormons was totally new to me. Take the time to read it.

The mere existence of this remarkable song is crazy - but to hear it 106 years later?  That is webidiculous. ( I just made that word up.  I even checked on Google:  ZERO hits)

Hope you enjoyed this obscure snippet of history - some might think it too nerdy or serious, but I feel the need to help you with yer learnin'. (Because I'm thoughtful like that.)

One last thought:  The tune is a little catchy - Please don't walk around church tomorrow humming it.

Webidiculous.  You saw it here first.

Wait for it....

I am preparing an amazing post for tomorrow, so no post today.  (Sure that sounds cocky – just wait)

I’ll bet you are wondering what could be so interesting that I would forgo today’s enlightenment for the promise of a better tomorrow.  Frankly, (only old people can get away with saying “frankly”) I am nervous about tomorrow’s post out of fear of offending the sensibilities of those few readers that can't appreciate historical context.

What?  Now you must be stunned and asking “What could MMM possibly be worried about posting that might offend?” or "What does historical context mean?"

Just to narrow the field, here is a list of things that offend my sensibilities that I will NOT be discussing:

• What I found in the dog’s vomit.

• Details of the medical examinations a man starts getting at 50.

• Glee.

• What happens when a freezer full of beef is unplugged for a week.

• Those “special” eardrum melting words at your local HS campus.

• Bella.

• The song “Breakfast a Tiffany’s” by Deep Blue Something.

• Obama’s Foreign Policy.

• Reader's Choice:  Snooki or Gaga.

• Shoe odors of the FOMLs. (No sweetheart, just the boys)

• Tapeworms.

• Rachel Ray.  (I know, but I can’t explain it.)

So, please join me tomorrow for something fascinating.  Invite your friends - they will be impressed that you lurk in such highbrow literary circles.  Or they will just shake their heads and think you're weird.  Either way, happy Friday, and sorry there was no post today.

Goofy Wake-up

Last night I went to bed thinking deep, important thoughts, as I am wont to do.  This morning I awoke with the song After Today from the "Goofy Movie" in my head. (Like my iPod's stuck on replay)

It is still there.  I'm hoping that maybe something of the 80's channel can displace it as I drive to work.  Don't get me wrong, there are a lot more unpleasant songs that can get stuck. (Hey There Delilah, anyone?)

Personally, I love the Goofy Movie.  My EC and I took the FOMLs to see it back in '95 when it first came out. (Not a lot of people saw it - it was sandwiched somewhere between Pocahontas (boo) and Toy Story (yea!)).  Yes, unlike most of you, I saw it as a parent - not as a child.

I was a wee bit reluctant, but with movie theater popcorn and large amounts of fizzy caffeine, I will sit through just about anything. Turns out that the Goofy Movie was one of the most pleasant surprises I have had in a movie theater.

Great Father/Son road adventure, with interesting relationship issues, and of course, Powerline. 

Here's the song stuck in my head: 

Favorite quote:

Goofy: You look just like I did at your age. 

Max: Please don't say that, Dad. 

I don't know why my sub-conscious picked that particular song to be my soundtrack this morning.  My best guess is that the Spirit is trying to encourage me to go on a road trip.  Lester's Possum Park anyone?

Messing With the Grocery Store

I have a love/hate relationship with supermarket loyalty cards - I hate them, they love me. The whole "Big-Brother" aspect bugs me.  I call them the "We Hate Our Customers" cards. Just give me a good price on your stuff, let me give you money for it, and we'll both get on with our lives.

So, in order to find some satisfaction within this irritating system, I accessed our supermarket card account online and made a few changes:
Now, when I check out, the supermarket cashier reads my receipt and says "Have a nice day, Mr. Wondrous."  I like it  - it feels good inside.
My EC is less pleased when she checks out and the cashier asks "Would you like some help out, Mrs. Overspend?"

Probably need to change things back.  My EC isn't too happy, and I'm nervous about that nagging honesty question in my next recommend interview.

Even if I change the loyalty card, I am not going to change my restaurant waiting name.  "Table ready for Manson, Charles Manson."

I love my wife today, too.

(Actual wedding hands, circa mid-eighties)

Hopefully everybody filled their tanks yesterday with flowers, food, chocolate and lovin'.  It seems that for many it is the only day of the year that it becomes a priority.  Especially to the guys at Safeway at 6:30pm trying to decide whether the remaining mums or the potted plants scream "I love you and bought these on purpose" best.

My wife, my Eternal Companion (my EC for short) has been mine for more than half of my life now.  We are now into the majority phase.  By contrast, the pre-EC days seem to fade further away from memory, until I can hardly imagine life without her.  Nor do  I want to.

My EC carries a much bigger burden than she even knows.  She is my motivation for getting through this life and into the next.  I cannot imagine an eternity without her next to me, and that drives me to do what is right.  Yes, I love God, and desire to return to Him, but my daily reminder of what is gloriously possible is currently asleep in the next room.  Not snoring.

Last night a dear friend of mine passed away, leaving behind his lovely wife.  On Valentine's Day. I don't know how I would feel about that. My heart aches for her.  As I visited with him Sunday, he showed no fear of moving into the next world.  He was well-equipped and fearless.  Yet the potential separation from his wife and children caused the tears to flow.  I cannot fathom.

So, chocolate strawberries and roses are fine once a year, but the true measure of the love is shown daily.  The tone of voice, the help around the house, the trips to the temple, leading the family, the kisses without expectation, the "I love you's" all last longer than yesterday's goodies.

Time is precious. And fleeting.

The Most Romantic Thing Ever Written

In honor of Valentine's Day, I decided to share with you the most romantic thing ever written.  You may disagree, but you would be wrong.  But, before I reveal it, I'm sure you have some guesses:

If Fabio is on the cover, you guessed wrong.  However, one of the funniest things in the history of all things funny is when Fabio got hit by a goose while riding a rollercoaster.  Video here: Fabio vs the Goose

If your choice involves a 100+ year-old man hitting on a co-dependent teenage girl, you aren't even in the right ballpark. 

Shakespeare (who I love) even got this one wrong. He might have called them a "A pair of star-cross'd lovers", I call them "A pair of star-cross'd idiots."  Perhaps one of the most UN-romantic things ever written.  Two lust obsessed teenagers turn on their families and end up mistakenly killing themselves.  Morons.

If you guessed Doctrine & Covenants 132:19, then you are a winner in more ways than one.

While the world defines marriage as "'til death do us part" (verse 15) A God who truly understands love, offers us the opportunity (verse 19) to enter into an eternal marriage that can last beyond this mortal existence.  What could possibly be more romantic than that? A love that transcends death and time.  And no need to visit an Apothecary.

http://lds.org/scriptures/dc-testament/dc/132?lang=eng

Bieber Fever Griever

Took my EC to the movies last night for date night.  I was unprepared for the teaming masses of turbo-charged pre-teen and teenage girls (and some giddy moms) waiting in lines hundreds deep to see "Never Say Never". Yep. The Justin Bieber movie. Reports from inside the theater were equally terrifying: girls screaming, crying, fainting, etc.

While I stay current on a lot of the newest music, I don't get the Beiber thing.  I'm sure he is a delightful young man, obviously talented, but the deification is beyond me.  For the record, I would go see a Justin Bieber concert.  (And by concert I mean a free performance, and by performance I mean if he happened to be alone in my living room playing the piano, I might slow down and listen as I walk by)

It must be the hair helmet.  If this young man had the good fortune of going camping with my scout troop, I guarantee he would have come back with an involuntary Swiss Army knife haircut.

I guess I shouldn't be to worried about it, having lived through it before...

(note the awful hair similarity)

Kinda makes you wonder what happened to the teaming masses of silly girls who were crying and screaming at the mere glimpse of Donny.  Oh wait!  They became the teaming masses of silly women ironing their "My neck belongs to Edward" shirts and making plans to queue up with their besties to go to midnite showing of "Breaking Dawn" this fall.

I guess lusting after teenage boys starts young and never really goes out of style.

South Park Gets Schooled

For those of you completely divorced from pop culture, the creators of South Park are opening  "The Book of Mormon: The Musical" on Broadway this month.

Don't know if you saw this, but earlier this week the Church gave an official response:

"The production may attempt to entertain audiences for an evening, but the Book of Mormon is a volume of scripture that will change people's lives forever by bringing them closer to Christ."

- That's it. Total class. Makes me proud.

Now we just need to keep repeating to ourselves "There's no such thing as bad publicity"  (P.T. Barnum)

http://newsroom.lds.org/article/church-statement-regarding-the-book-of-mormon-broadway-musical

Lehi's Shortcut

I didn't post anything yesterday.  I made a deal with myself that I would not work on my blog unless I had read my scriptures first.  Yesterday I missed reading, so no post.  Bad me.  As part of my indulgence, today's post will be scriptural in nature.  (Just kidding - we don't believe in indulgences, unless we are talking about the Ben & Jerry's kind. - Try and keep up)

I'm sure you have read 1st Nephi more than any other book of scripture, but did you ever notice what a sweet deal Lehi got in his vision of the Tree of Life?  Lehi was wandering around in a "dark and dreary wilderness" when an angel appeared to him and led him through the darkness to a large and spacious field.  Do you know what was in the field? Yup.  The Tree of Life - just standing there in front of him. He partook of the fruit and loved it.

You know the rest o' the story: He then looked around for his family, and that is when he saw the river, the mist of darkness, the great and spacious building, and yes, the Iron Rod, etc.

Following the path that led to the tree was rough going, many didn't make it, many left after they did.  But some held tightly to the iron rod, and pushed their way through the darkness and made it to the tree, and were happy.

That is what we are all about, isn't it?  And that is the great message of Lehi's dream.  Unfortunately, too much time is spent on the search for Lehi's shortcut - looking for an easy way through.  But it doesn't exist. It would seem than unless you have an personal angel escort, you had better stick to the iron rod.

(If you want to look up the real scriptures detailing the dream, click here:  1 Nephi Chapter 8)

Quote of the Day: Bro. Albus Dumbledore

"Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy."   Albus Dumbledore

Definitely one of my favorite church quotes.  I'm not sure what calling Bro. Dumbledore had at the time he said it, but it is truly prophetic.

I figure it was sometime during the Lorenzo Snow era.

Super Bowl: No Matter Who's Playing, the Devils Win!

As I get excited for the big game tonight, I can't help but think that the "Adversary" looks at Super Bowl Sunday as an exciting day as well.  After all, it is a huge accomplishment in his plan of attack.  He and his imps probably have their own version of a tailgate party to celebrate the following:

• Over 100,000 people will spend their Sabbath in the Cowboy's Stadium.
• Approximately 106.5 MILLION viewers will watch on TV.
• Along with New Year's Eve, Super Bowl Sunday has the largest alcohol consumption of the year.
• Increasingly recognized as the nation's unofficial binge drinking day.
• More employees falsely call in sick today than any other day of the year - including essential services.
• Estimates of 28 million Super Bowl parties are held.

Quite a savaging of the 4th Commandment.

Steelers by 3.

Hooray for Me! Employee of the Month. Every Month

Went to Costco today to watch people buy necessities, and by necessities I mean huge amounts of alcohol.  This is where I parked:

Just for the record - I do not work at Costco.  But I feel that I had a really good January and that I worked hard.

Besides, nowhere on the sign does it state that it is the "Costco Employee of the Month."  So I would invite you, when you have had a good month, to treat yourself to a special parking place wherever you shop.

Also, if you bring the kids, I believe that counts as a "Car Pool".

Watch out for the elderly lady serving the eggroll samples.  They can do serious damage at 5000 degrees.

"We're Best Friends" (Roll eyes here)

I admire a parent who is unwilling to settle for merely being their child's best friend.

'nuff said.

...well except for this one last thing.  When I use the word "friend"  I mean in the old-fashioned sense, not the Facebook sense.  Although it still holds true if you are talking about Facebook.  I just thought I should point out that even though I am old, I am still hip to the modern vernacular, and I know the internet can be used for more than Family History research.

'nuff said.

(Yes, the expression "'nuff said" does lose any impact if you use it twice."   'nuff said.)

Not MY Bishop!

This kills me.  And, I imagine that anyone who has ever served as a bishop is conflicted if he should laugh or not.  Go ahead.

Now, don't think for a minute that any bishop would EVER have such limited compassion, but I do love seeing this expression that was popular when I was a kid. I seldom see youth today rubbing their thumb and index fingers together.  I doubt today's youth appreciate the nuance of the world's smallest violin. (If you have no idea what I'm talking about, then you are under the age of 30)

What is really strange is that the people that this is actually aimed will probably not even make the connection that they are being mocked.

(To be clear, I don't think a Bishop would ever say this to anyone...out loud.)

This cartoon is from a wonderful cartoonist named "Honest John" aka Jon Clark.  I highly recommend his stuff.
http://honestjoncomics.blogspot.com/2011/02/watches.html

Ground Hog Day. Yum!

My EC and the youngest FOML were both appalled when I suggested we celebrate Groundhog Day by dining on ground pork products.

And no, I wasn't thinking about sausage.  That is too easy.  I was thinking more along the lines of a nice Fettuccine Bolognese. 

http://www.food.com/recipe/mario-batalis-fettuccine-bolognese-30991

And while we are talking about Groundhog Day, don't forget about the movie.  It is one of the great stories of personal redemption - right up there with Dicken's "A Christmas Carol" but with Ned Ryerson.

I'm serious.   Bing!

The Super Bowl Just Might be the Death of You

Science has determined that if your team loses the Super Bowl, you have a 27% increased chance of death from heart attack.  Here's the kicker - that is for WOMEN. For MEN it only goes up 15%.  Yup - even the researchers were surprised. (Usually the term "Get a Life" is applied to men)

Here's the link: http://yourlife.usatoday.com/health/medical/heartdisease/story/2011/01/Study-A-sports-loss-can-influence-heart-health/43124296/1?csp=34news

As best I can tell, the study did not take into consideration if each woman who had a heart attack had just spent 4 hours of her Sabbath watching her husband curse at the TV and grind Doritos into the carpet, or if that was just accepted as the "control group.". (Obviously, I should have been a famous scientist, because of the ease with which I can use terms like "control group.")

Curiously, there are no further studies that suggest that NFL players drop dead when YOU are having a bad day at work.