Saturday, December 31, 2011
Hey Y'all! Welcome to my Blogger
Howdee Y'all! I had myself a mighty fine Christmas time, mighty fine. Especially since I got me a brand-spankin new identity this year, and I already used it to get me some supplies I'll be needin.
First, let me introduce myself. I am 'ficially now the Middlin' MorMan. And I'm happy to be here on this here blogger. I figgerd that since I got this yay-hoos credit card, I might as well take over fer him here too. I gave a read to some of the stuff he's wrote, and it sure don't seem that hard. Ain't all that smart or funny neither. Best thing I got was his credit card number. It was one of them hoity-toity-city-boy 'merican Express cards. You know - "Don't leave home without it!" Well, I don't plan on leavin' anytime soon.
Ya see, I got me my own private compound here with enough food and guns to last 'til kingdom come. While the rest of the world is out there lookin fer bailouts, I'm gonna be huntin gophers and livin large, with my missus and 10 young-uns.
Thanks to that yay-hoo's credit card, I got the rest of the stuff I was needin. Cost 'bout $9000, but didn't cost me a dime. Thank the heavens fer Walmart! I got me some glass bottles, and a bunch of rubber hoses. Got me a couple of tin washtubs. Got me some of them propane tanks. And got me one of them magic lighters that are 'bout a foot long so that I don't have to get too close to anything. My missus wouldn't take too kindly to me blowing myself up lightin the still.
Got me some Mason jars, but the only lids that Walmart had were them girlie lookin ones with strawberries and other sissy stuff. I figure if I make my deliveries at night, ain't nobody gonna cause a fuss - especialily after they've had a couple sips.
Other than that stuff I got me dozens of some big ol' bags of corn meal and sugar. I'm ready to start cookin!
All that didn't cost $9000 - I had some leftover so I bought us some family stuff too.
We didn't get much fer the kids fer Christmas this year, so I got the young-uns (5,6, 7 & 8) theys very own pump-action shotguns and enough shells to make sure that neighbors stupid cat don't ever come round here no more.
The older kids wanted one of them vidiot game boxes, so we got ourselves a Tee-Vee fer the first time ever. After I got it in the house and hooked up the vidiot box, I realized that it weren't workin right. I had fergot that we didn't have no 'lecrictiy. So I went back to Walmart and ordered me up about 30 of the best truck battries you did ever see. Now alls they do is sit around and shoot stuff on the Tee-Vee. Seems like a fools waste of time to me. You can walk out the back door and shoot stuff for reals iffin you want to. Guess I don't understand young-uns these days.
Fer myself, I got me one of these new-fangled computers that sit on yer lap and make yer privates all toasty warm. I'm typin on it right now. We didn't have any of that interweb connection, but with the help of my youngest and his new shotgun, we convinced our neighbor to run a cable over to our place. It's important to have good neighbors.
And last, I got the missus a purty picture cuz she likes them purty things, and cuz it was on sale after Christmas. You should see it - it has old Santa hisself kneelin down with the baby Jesus. It done brought tears to my eyes, and made my nose run. So I bought a sack of them fancy cloth hankies too. I guess I just tie it to my sleeve?
Oh, got me some of that under-wear I've been hearin about. Ain't never tried it, so I figgured I'd give it a go. Don't much care fer it though. I'm also worried that this one'll wear out after a few months and I'll have to get me another. Not about to get one fer all the kids. Besides got everybody some new overalls so nothin should be showin that shouldn't be showin anyways.
And I'd been told that kids like them elephant gifts that are just silly fer fun. So I got everybody in the house a toothbrush. Everybody laughed and laughed. But I gotta admit, we all passed it around and gave it a try. Hound-dogs too. Don't see what all the fuss is about, but we'll hang onto it.
Anyways, y'all have yerselves a Happy New Year. I might stop by and visit my blogger now and again to give y'all some words of wisdom and make y'all feel good inside - until then I'm off to get cookin'!
'Shinin' and Thievin' Identities is My Trade