I have not participated in any of the blog events where you write down something that you are grateful for every day of November. Now I find myself late to the party, and it seems that all the good stuff has already been taken. There are a lot of thankful people out there hogging all the good ideas. So, I will list those things that I am grateful for, many of which you probably overlooked.
So, here is the entire month in one shot:
1) Family, faith, friends, food, clothing, shelter, etc. (Yes, I know - #1 is nothing more than a composite of all the obvious stuff I'm thankful for. Let's move on.)
2) I'm thankful that I don't have to blog on gold plates. Not so much because the engraving would be hard, but because gold is currently $1700 an ounce. (And you thought e-books were still too expensive!)
3) I am thankful that my 9 year-old thinks it's awesome to eat the turkey heart and neck with me. (Gizzards: Yes. Liver: No.)
4) I am thankful that they don't show episodes of Glee in High Priest Group, or Gospel Doctrine.
5) I am thankful that my EC is so blinded by love that she doesn't point out what a dork I am. Very often.
6) I am thankful that I have music veto power when I am driving the family car, and I'm not afraid to use it.
7) I am thankful that I don't have a "Don Rickles Talking Mirror".
8) I am thankful that rich people in Nigeria think highly enough of me to offer to share their wealth with me on a regular basis.
9) I am thankful that people don't greet each other the way dogs do. Usually.
10) I am thankful that my ancestors procreated. Attaboy Gramps!
11) I am grateful that I am one of the few people online who know how to spell the word "lose" correctly.
12) I am thankful for idioms. They are the Katz' pajamas!
13) I am thankful that I don't need to remember to wind my watch. I am thankful if I even remember to wear it.
14) I am thankful that if you search hard enough, you can find an Oriental market that carries Panang curry paste.
15) I am thankful that in 30 years, nobody has ever beat me in a Boggle match. Ever. ('Humility' is an 11 point word.)
16) I am thankful for caller ID that shows up on my TV so that I can know who I am ignoring when I'm watching The Amazing Race.
17) I am thankful that my mission in life is not trying to explain why I am right and the Church leaders are wrong.
18) I am thankful that no angry stranger has ever shown up at my house wanting to "discuss" my latest post.
19) I am thankful that my EC assigned dog poop cleanup to one of my boys.
20) I am thankful that I am a man. And by 'man' I mean that I don't drink Diet Coke, care about Twilight, or buy stuff on "Etsy".
21) I am thankful that you can't catch the Black Plague by sharing chips and salsa.
22) I am thankful that every dating relationship I ever had ended in failure. Except one.
23) I am thankful that none of my kids have stupidly-spelled stupid names.
24) I am thankful that mormon.org does not sell our profiles to eharmony.
25) I am thankful that Viagra commercials merely show old people walking on the beach, etc.
26) I am thankful that I have never spent any time in the slammer. No the MTC does not count.
27) I am thankful that God doesn't always answer my prayers, and that He doesn't always grant my desires. Some of them would have really messed up my life.
28) I'm thankful that that foam drink cups don't leave rings on my nice wooden desk. I understand that styrofoam might be bad for the environment and could lead to the devastation of our planet. I consider it a fair trade.
29) I'm thankful that Norman Jewison cast Topol as Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof, instead of Zero Mostel.
30) I'm thankful that society hasn't duped me into thinking that I need eyelash extensions.
31) I'm glad that J. Lo doesn't live at our house, or visit very often.
32) I am thankful that I will never be a Relief Society or Young Women President.
33) I'm thankful that I don't enjoy killing stuff and mounting monuments of death on my walls.
34) However wrong it may be, I'm still thankful for Mountain Dew.
35) I'm thankful that people often mistake me for Bradley Cooper.
36) Wait! Got a little out of control - that last one was not entirely honest, and I only needed 30. I guess I just have so much to be thankful for that my heart overflows with gratitude. I'll stop with this:
37) I'm thankful that you are reading this, and actually made it all the way to the end.
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
Mormon humorist, LDS humorist, humor
Apparently I had more to be thankful for. The list continues here.