Wednesday, November 23, 2011
My Cup Keep Runnething Over!
First batch here.
And the list goes on...
38) I'm thankful that I have never mistakenly used anchovy paste to brush my teeth.
39) I'm thankful that nobody has ever thrown beads at me, expecting me to take off my shirt. When I was younger, maybe.
40) I'm thankful that I will never, ever, ever have a picture of Santa kneeling before the baby Jesus in my house. Ever.
41) I'm thankful that Moroni decided to go back and add those last ten chapters. Kinda important.
42) I'm thankful that whenever I overdraw a bank account, I don't get cast into debtor's prison.
43) I'm thankful my wife has learned that Miracle Whip is an abomination.
44) I'm thankful that shampoo doesn't smell like it sounds.
45) I'm thankful that all of my kids will eat broccoli, asparagus, brussel sprouts, squash, sauerkraut, fish, etc.
46) I'm thankful that the Prophet Joseph got locked up in Liberty Jail, so that we could have D&C 121.
47) I'm thankful that I don't have to walk 5 miles a day for clean drinking water, and I can drive 2 miles for a 44oz soda.
48) I'm thankful that I am old enough to remember Elder LeGrande Richards. When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to hear him talk in General Conference.
49) I'm thankful that nobody has "occupied" my yard.
50) I'm thankful that toilets don't operate on the same principle as garbage disposals.
51) I'm thankful that I was done with The Brady Bunch before Cousin Oliver started showing up.
52) I'm thankful that I have all my fingers - unlike my Jr. High Wood Shop teacher who had already lost 4. (Hopefully he changed careers soon after)
53) I'm thankful that we can sleep at night knowing that Jack Baeur is out there keeping us safe.
54) I'm thankful that it has been revealed that there will be tater-tots in the Celestial Kingdom. (Still trying to find the citation on this...)
55) I'm thankful that the millennium is not here, because I enjoy the whole 'growth through opposition' thing.
56) I'm thankful that I feel absolutely no "PC" pressure to "pardon" our turkey. It's already dead.
57) I'm thankful that most of my good friends are smarter than me. Keeps me on my toes.
58) I'm thankful that when I go to the beach, no one has ever tried to push me back into the ocean. So far.
59) I'm thankful for the cool Christmas light repair gun that my EC found for me. It is miraculous, and will make my home a happier place this weekend.
60) I'm thankful that mormon.org has not requested that I film a video segment. It might interfere with my aspirations to be a Club DJ in LA.
61) I'm thankful for 10 minutes of focus before Sacrament meeting starts. (Soft seats too)
62) I'm thankful that I have incredible night vision without having to be a vampire.
63) I am thankful that one day - hopefully before I die - Adam Sandler will stop making movies.
64) I am thankful that I don't have to follow Jewish dietary restriction. (meaning: I love pork products)
65) I am thankful for Grace Kelly. Especially in Rear Window. (Sorry, Dear)
66) I am thankful that there are people in Africa that are alive because of humanitarian work I have been blessed to be a part of.
67) I am thankful that I have been fortunate enough to travel extensively. (I wasn't too impressed with Scranton, PA)
--That's all for right now. I'm sure there's more. Life is full of richness. Oh - wait!
68) I am thankful for cheesecake.
Should I go for 100??? (OK - I went for 100: here.)
lds humorist, mormon humor, satire